Heavy.

I wrote this back in February. I was hoping curiosity would finally get the better of you and you’d want to further understand me. To further understand us.
I thought if I wrote something like this you’d gain insight into why and how my emotions have been so cold. You may have visited but I never left any post for you. Nothing for you to grasp or hold on to. Instead I pushed you away. I caused this. For that I apologise. Here’s a very ambiguous collection of thoughts i’ve left processing on this blank piece of paper.
…It’s only taken 5 months for muster up the courage to put it out there.

 

 

You’ve weighed heavy on my heart for weeks now.
As heavy and as powerful as the first rain drop that bursts a cloud.
A strange thing to comprehend….weight that is.

 

….Do you even miss me?

 

Heavy. Heavy like the organ that beats profusely behind a white cage.
Protected by 12 pairs in my chest. I so easily exposed it.
For you.
Wore the heavy organ on my sleeve. Heavy.
Open to be frayed and tugged.
Mistaken and bruised.
Wait.

 

….Do you even miss me?
I wanted you to put it back. But it was too heavy.
I tried to clear mental space but you moved in.
Always consumed by memories or quirks.
No space. Too heavy.

 

You left months ago.
Today I put it back. Back behind it’s cage.
And calibrated my mind to a place of expectancy.
Heavy. Numb. Because of you.
Changed forever.
Weight. Wait. Waiting.
To change back again.
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